Who Let the Clowns Out?

Whether clowns are wearing three-piece suits and running for high office or multicolored jumpers with big hair and large shoes, they've always been sort of scary. But a number of recent clown sightings have gotten people downright terrified...

Who let the clowns out this year? Contrary to popular opinion, the first truly troubling appearance of a bona fide clown in 2016 wasn't when presidential hopeful Donald Trump staged 'a hostile takeover' of the GOP nomination.

It started this past summer when 'Gags the Clown' launched his silent and still-unexplained midnight forays through the darkened streets of Green Bay Wisconsin.

Since then, the creepy-clown phenomena has steadily spread eastward across America, and now, as winter begins to approach, it's heading south along the U.S. coast.

Confrontations with clowns are no laughing matter: Many of us bear deep, invisible scars from too many close encounters with abrasive clowns when we were kids; usually at birthday parties or when the circus came to town.

But how would you feel if one had come up to you at a public playground and then tried "to lure" you into the woods? Or if a group of them chased you and your friends while hurtling sticks and curse words? Or if an assortment of clownish entities were stalking and harassing you on Facebook?!

That's what allegedly happened to several youngsters this autumn in states like Pennsylvania, Arizona, Georgia, South Carolina, Kentucky and Tennessee.

In fact, one 12-year-old from Pottsville PA told reporters at WNEP TV that he'd just witnessed a child his own age fleeing a local park and screaming about having come across a group of clowns "eating something" in a wooded area nearby.

Lone clowns and clown clusters are NOT Halloween pranks: As stores stock up on clowning gear and Trump masks for the upcoming trick-or-treat season, law enforcement agencies are issuing warnings to parents of young children to be wary of clowns wherever and whenever they see them.

State and federal authorities haven't said yet if scary clowns do represent a genuine new threat to public safety, but they're also not dismissing the trend as merely due to mass hysteria or copycatting either.

Consequently, many officials are now heavily policing their districts, for fear that these weird, costumed individuals might be "sexual predators."

Just say NO to clowns: Whether they're wearing a painted smile or a sad-sack's frown (or an expensive suit and tie) there is absolutely nothing funny about being followed or fondled by a clown.

So, effective immediately, and until further notice, we at Killing Killers are advising you and yours to actively shun such types.

Especially if they're foul mouthed, ill tempered, and sporting a funky comb-over do.

Eponymous Rox